Ultimately, I canceled my return visit to see the first acupuncturist, Dr. Lin. As a result of my first visit, I had an intense headache that took days to resolve, and my back pain was unchanged. Mainly, I could not imagine lying motionless again for 45 minutes with nothing to distract me but the ticking of a clock. Instead, I scheduled a visit with a nearby acupuncturist who I located on-line. It just so happens her office is located in the same building as my Naturopath. This only deepens my suspicion that all alternative medicine practitioners are in cahoots!
Dr. Jones had clearly just relocated to this newly renovated office space. I will refer to her as Dr. Jones, although she really doesn’t appear to have a doctorate that I am aware of, nor does Dr. Lin. The office is clean and spartan. Again, there is no receptionist, and the walls are barren of pictures. Dr. Jones appears to be a nice woman in her mid-40s. She leads me into one of the two treatment rooms, and I am relieved to see a boom box in the corner and no large clocks on the wall. I am hoping music will help the session pass by more quickly. Dr. Jones spends 15 minutes taking a thorough history. She inquires about my headaches, back pain, sleep habits, and dietary habits. She asks whether I drink 8 glasses of water a day. I hate this question. No one knows where this old adage comes from, but it is a myth that continues to be perpetuated by all health care providers. Yes, it is important not to be dehydrated, but drinking beyond what your thirst requires generally just means more urine. Next thing you know, we will all be told we need 8 bottles of Evian each day! She then measures the pulses in my wrists and hands by palpating 3 separate points on each limb. She says she is not concerned with my heart rate; instead, she is appreciating the quality of my pulses. She is intrigued by the pulses in my left hand. She says my pulses suggest I have “sleep difficulties.” She then examines my tongue. I proudly point out that I have not brushed my tongue today because I had read not to do so in one of my books. She gives me a half smile. I wonder if I have bad breath.
She has me lie face down on the table and inserts needles along my neck, mid-back, legs, and ankle region. Nothing painful. She puts on some relaxing music, dims the lights, and steps out. This time, I actually do come close to falling asleep. After 25 minutes she returns, removes the needles, and has me lie flat on my back. This time, she inserts needles in my wrists, between my thumbs and index fingers (here I feel a short stabbing nerve pain, but it quickly dissipates), and several around my knees and ankles. She steps out again. I find it much harder to lie still this time. I find it almost impossible not to wiggle. After a while, I try moving my arms, and I am rewarded with a quick searing pain. “Must lie still,” I tell myself. Boy, am I bored! After about 5 hours (actually 25 minutes), she finally returns. The needles come out, and I am done. At this point, it dawns on me that I cannot return for more! Blog be damned, but I can only take 2 of these acupuncture sessions. Watching golf on television, playing tennis with my four-year old, and reruns of the Lawrence Welk show all pass time faster than these visits. I, of course, do not tell this to the doctor. I will have to email or call back and cancel the scheduled follow-up.
Payment is a bit awkward. Dr. Jones informs me she only takes cash or check. I never carry checks and only by the grace of God do I have any cash. My wife had actually put some money in my wallet that morning. Unfortunately, I only have $50 and the fee is sixty. She is unfazed and pockets the money. I sheepishly offer to bring by a check for the remainder, but she states, “You are good for it. You can just pay me at your next visit.”.... I will be mailing it in.
[Next week, Acupuncture: a final analysis]
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