The Final Climb up Elk Mountain

            Finally, I arrive at the end.  After today, I do not think I can stomach riding up Elk Mountain again for a long while.  Nevertheless, I feel strong; I should after five weeks of regular riding, culminating with an all-out race against the clock each weekend.  Today, I am fueling my ride with the final contender in the best performance enhancing drink (PED) competition.  Red Bull, Unbeetable, and coffee have all had their chance.  Now, it is Gatorade G-series Prime’s opportunity to take the top spot.  One would think that any Gatorade product would be easy to purchase.  Gatorade has a ubiquitous presence on television, at sporting events, and in the supermarkets.  Surprisingly, I have a hard time finding the G-series Prime drink. I check out our local supermarket - no drink.  I run into a few convenience stores - no drink.  Finally, I am able to track it down at a big box sporting goods store. I suppose since it is so rare, they can charge a premium price . . . two dollars for a single four ounce packet.   

            Following the recommendations on the Gatorade website, I slurp down the whole packet twenty minutes before my planned ride.  G-series Prime is composed of water, isomaltose, sugar, dextrose, maltodextrin and B-vitamins three, five and six.  Sounds yummy.  I note it does not contain caffeine.  After my weak rides on Red Bull and coffee, both with high caffeine content, I am glad. The berry flavored G-Series Prime tastes like a syrupy version of the classic red Gatorade drink.  Not bad.  Its texture is a  cross between a liquid and a gel.

            Twenty minutes later, I attach my GoPro camera to my bike helmet to chronicle this final ride on Elk Mountain and start down my driveway.  The GoPro is new to me.  I hesitated using it.  A GoPro video is the ultimate selfie.  I let it sit in its box for the past six months until I finally had the gumption to figure out how it works.  If you check out my video post of this ride, you will conclude I have not yet solved the GoPro riddle.  A thunderstorm looms in the distance . . . perhaps this will be my GoPro’s first and last ride:  I am not sure the waterproof casing is on just right.  Hopefully, filming with the GoPro and recording my ride on STRAVA have not exceeded my limited technological capabilities. 

            I turn on to Elk Mountain Scenic Highway and begin the time trial.  I cruise up the first long incline with minimal suffering.  Perhaps today is the day.  I am a diehard Florida Gator fan, and I feel a strong allegiance to Gatorade which was concocted by a University of Florida scientist to help the Florida Gator football team survive the heat.  I will not be upset if a Gatorade product wins my competition; so much for my lack of bias.

            Ten minutes into the ride, I feel strong until another biker blows by me as if I am going backwards.  I attempt to keep him in my sights, but in less than one minute, he is gone.  Not a good omen.  I push on.  I also attempt to narrate key portions of the ride for my video, but I fear the audio will primarily be a sound tract of my gasping for air. Always on the lookout for nature, I again spot several wild turkeys, but they are not providing much entertainment today.  I pass a three and half foot long black rat snake which is attempting to cross the road.  I look back to record its image, and I nearly crash.  Eyes back on the road for the final climb.

            I ride hard all the way to the bitter end.  My time is thirty-three minutes and forty-four seconds.  No new records today.  This is the second fastest time I have posted while drinking the PEDs, but it is only three seconds faster than my non-enhanced baseline ride, and it is a good one and a half minutes slower than my personal best.  No King of the Mountain awards for me.  This is not a knock on the G-series Prime drink.  I like the taste and the fact that the recommend serving is only four ounces, but I can’t say it did anything for me.

            Well, there you have it:  G-series Prime was the last of the PEDs to be tested.  I need a break.  I will be avoiding Elk Mountain for a while.  When the final results are tallied, the clear winner is Unbeetable.  G-series Prime, no PED, and Red Bull all ended in a virtual tie for second, and good old coffee was a distant third.  Sorry, Trader Joe’s Dark.  Next week, I will examine the science behind the claims for these PEDS.  We will see if the published literature supports the findings of my one person, non-randomized, unblinded and heavily biased trial.