Crystal Therapy - Do it yourself

            To date, my exploration of crystal healing has been eye-opening, if not curative.  I started with the John of God Crystal Bed, and then last week, I made an excursion into Asheville’s Salt Cave.  With the aid of these experiences, I am finally shrugging off the lingering effects of the flu.  Hopefully, by relying on crystal magic once again, I can fight off the last remnants of this illness and tackle a few of my recurring complaints.  I will now rely on some “cookbook medicine.”  Cookbook medicine is quite popular with many forms of alternative medicine.  Cookbook medicine means you treat yourself by looking up your ailment in a book, and without need of a doctor’s prescription, you buy or make your own remedy.  This form of home brewing is popular in homeopathy, herbal medicine, aromatherapy, Appalachian medicine, and crystal therapy.  My hope is to find a crystal that will cure my insomnia, tension headaches, and general laziness.  The laziness to which I refer is my inclination to waste time surfing the internet or checking my email for the hundredth time when I should be working on this blog or doing some other task that is at least somewhat productive.

            Before finding my remedy, I will attempt to explain how crystals work and define their role in curing various maladies.  According to “reputable sources” (such as cyrstalwellbeing.co.uk), each “crystal has a unique internal structure which causes it to resonate at a certain frequency.  It is this resonance that is said to give crystals their healing abilities.”  The crystals help channel positive energy into the body which promotes health and may cure disease.  This gets a bit confusing if you consider I learned in the Salt Cave that positive ions emitted by electronics can cause imbalance and illness, which may in turn be reversed by the negative ions given off by crystals.  The philosophy of crystal healing derives from Asian concepts such as life-energy (chi) and chakras.  Remember the lines of chi which are stimulated during acupuncture?  The chakras, otherwise referred to as vortices of energy, are said to connect the physical with the supernatural elements of the body.  For each of the seven chakras on one’s body, there is a corresponding color or crystal which can exert influence.  (Now I understand the rationale behind the seven crystal lights that were aligned over my chakras during my John of God Crystal Bed Therapy).  Techniques may vary, but generally, one treats various ailments by picking the correct crystal for its corresponding chakra.  Each chakra corresponds to an anatomical position on the body and not only exerts influence on particular organs or glands, but has further spiritual connections.  The crystal is then laid over the chakra, dangled over the chakra, rubbed on the chakra, or just held near the chakra.  Now that the “science” is all crystal clear, I am ready to heal myself.

            I turn to the master cookbook - the internet.  I find the crown chakra (located just above one’s head) and the brow chakra (located on the forehead) have influence over sleep patterns and headaches.  The amethyst stone is the stone of choice for me.  Apparently, the amethyst is a pretty powerful stone.  It is commonly used as a “dream stone” to help with insomnia, and it can relieve headaches by being rubbed across one’s forehead.  Better yet, it is said to promote mental clarity:  when the amethyst is placed on the crown chakra, it encourages positive thought patterns and exerts control over the pineal gland.  In medical school, we learn the pineal gland secretes melatonin which affects our sleep-wake cycles.  The brow chakra exerts influence over the pituitary gland - the gland which is a principle regulator of our endocrine system.  Amethyst crystals are noted to have several other properties:  they improve memory, protect from danger, and are thought to bring success in business.  This stone sure has some powerful mojo.  After completing my amethyst education, I tell my wife I need to take a trip to the crystal shop (we have several in Asheville) so that I can buy myself a stone.  Always a step ahead of me, she gives a knowing smile and asks if I might be able to hold off until after Christmas.  When I say no, she goes to our bedroom and returns holding a small package. “Since you can’t wait,” she says.  I rip open the package and lo and behold, sitting inside the box are two amethysts - a small one to carry in my pocket and a larger cluster of crystal for my bedside.  How did she know I was planning on buying these?  I am not sure . . . woman’s intuition, or crystal magic?

            Over the following week, I dutifully carry the smaller amethyst in my pocket throughout the day; at night, before going to sleep, I place the larger crystal over both my crown and brow chakras.  Just before drifting off to sleep, I slip the large crystal under my pillow. As I close my eyes I imagine healing ions flowing through my body as I am transmuted to a higher plan.  Has it worked?  Despite some remaining head congestion, I have been sleeping well and headache free all week.  I am not sure if I have achieved full mental clarity, but I did find the motivation to write this blog during a couple of my lunch breaks.  Perhaps more significantly, I made a rare good financial decision (I suggest this qualifies as “business success”) - I rebalanced my retirement portfolio to an increased weight in stocks just before the stock market rallied.  This is a sharp contrast with my normal philosophy of buy high, sell low. I am not sure Janet Yellen’s recent economic statements can be attributed to the amethyst, but who knows.

            Perhaps the crystals work after all.  I did manage to not get as sick as my wife during our recent flu bout, and I have recovered faster.  One might look at her as the control in my study of crystals - we both got sick around the same time, but only I experienced the Salt Cave and slept with an amethyst under my pillow.  If this is not definitive proof, I don’t know what is.  At the very least, therapy with crystals has little downside - they are easy to use and they have few side-effects . . . except for a lumpy pillow.

Next week . . . the blog will be closed for the Holidays.

In two weeks . . . join me as I explore the Asheville vortex.

Asheville’s Salt Cave

              Despite my “John of God Crystal Bed” session last week, I have been struck down by the flu.  The whole family is ill with the exception of my thirteen year old son who wants little to do with the rest of us.  For once, his isolationism paid off.  We don’t deserve this.  We are good people.  We have been vaccinated.  Apparently, the flu doesn’t care. The predominant influenza strain circulating this year mutated just enough to make this year’s flu vaccine less effective.  Despite diligently making sure everyone in the family was vaccinated, we have still been stricken by a modern day plague.  I rarely miss work, but the flu has a way of changing one’s tune.  For the past three days, I have suffered from muscle aches, headaches, chills, fever, and head congestion.  To make matters worse, I haven’t been able to hole up alone in my misery.  Instead, the entire house reverberates with the sounds of coughing, sneezing and whining.  This is an ideal time to escape to Asheville’s Salt Cave.

            Perhaps you are unaware that Asheville is a salt mining mecca . . . it is not.  Always on the leading edge of the alternative movement, Asheville has one of a handful of artificially created salt caves that exist in North America.  The owners have imported over twenty tons of Polish salt crystals to make their own cave.  Why might one go to such lengths?  Apparently, they take their cue from the Europeans who have been basking in the benefits of “salt cave therapy” for decades.  The Asheville Salt Cave claims to be an “alternative treatment” for a litany of conditions including “acne, arthritis, asthma, bronchitis, migraines, viral infections, and weakened immune systems.”  I suffer from more than one of these maladies, and my immune system is certainly in a weakened state at the moment.  A little spelunking in a salt cave is in order.

            The Asheville Salt Cave is not dug into a remote mountain, but is smack dab in the middle of Asheville’s bustling “business district.”  Rather than being overrun with big corporations, Asheville’s downtown is an eclectic mix of restaurants, breweries, trinket shops, art galleries, and counter-culture establishments.  The Salt Cave fits right in.  The anteroom to the Salt Cave has a nice spa-vibe.  There are Himalayan salt crystals of all sizes for sale, ranging from a few inches in diameter to the size of a football.  After signing in, I am led to a long bench which sits outside the closed entrance to the cave.  I am encouraged to remove my shoes and to fix myself a cup of tea while waiting for my session to begin.  The establishment is nice and cozy - a sharp contrast to the cold, drizzly weather outside.  After a pleasant fifteen minutes of sipping herbal tea, the cave door opens and the attendant, a young woman in her twenties, invites us to come inside.  I say us because I have been joined by a middle-aged Asheville woman of German descent.

            As I enter the cave, I am struck by its appearance:  it resembles the lower hold of an old two- masted ship.  The entire “cave” is about 15 feet wide and 40 feet long.  The walls are adorned with very large salt rocks which resemble stone masonry.  The floor is covered with salt rock crystals of varying sizes on top of a virtual beach of sea salt.  The ceiling has large wooden cross ties holding up netting full of golf ball size salt crystals.  In each corner is a fountain which aerosolizes the salt.  Lights are set within some of the crystals on the wall and a few of the larger crystals on the ground.  There are mats with pillows and blankets for lying on the sea salt covered floor and anti-gravity lounge chairs for reclining.  It is just like a day at the beach except in a cave.  The whole set-up reminds me of a Star Trek episode.  I am in a cave on the planet Nubon, and the glowing salt crystals are alien eggs about to hatch.

            The young attendant captures my attention and brings an end to my intergalactic musings.  She instructs us to find a comfortable place to relax - I choose to lie on a floor mat.  She tells us that the salt crystals, when heated to greater than 64 degrees (the room is about 70 degrees), release 84 trace elements and minerals necessary for our bodies.  Breathing in these elements helps the body find balance and to heal itself.  We are also told the salt crystals neutralize the malicious positive ions which we are bombarded with throughout the day.  Positive ions are emitted by the electronics which are integral to life - cell phones, microwaves, computers, and televisions.  In contrast, the Salt Cave releases negative ions to restore our balance.  Negative ions reportedly have a wide range of beneficial effects from improved mood to better breathing.  “Forty-five minutes in the Salt Cave is equal to four days at the beach.”  As I lay back and grab a baseball size salt crystal in my hand, I contemplate that the healing must already have begun.

            Prior to leaving us to our own devices, our host leads us through some deep breathing and relaxation exercises.  After she steps out, I begin to relax in earnest.  We are in a dimly lit salt cave with gurgling fountains and soothing background music.  This is a far cry from the hell my wife is currently experiencing at home.  (I did invite my wife, but she claimed someone needed to watch over our feverish children - what a martyr).  The next forty-five minutes pass quickly as I fade into my surroundings.  As our time comes to an end, the lights brighten, and the cave door opens.  I sip some more tea, pull on my shoes, and pay a mere fifteen dollars - it is discount day for locals.  Refreshed, I pull on my rain jacket and reenter the real world.

            I am feeling better already.  I return to work the following day.  My fever has abated, and my congestion is less.  Is the salt cave the reason?  Perhaps . . . or it could be the Tamiflu I started two days earlier.

Next week . . . Self Help with Crystals.

The John of God Crystal Bed

            Let the healing begin.  I escape from work for an extended “lunch hour” to go on a “crystal journey with Michele.”  I have a lot of unanswered questions about crystal healing and in particular, the John of God Crystal Bed.  Who is this John of God?  How does one become “of God?”  Even Pope Francis isn’t referred to as “Pope Francis of God.”  This John guy must have some powerful juju.  What about this crystal bed?  How does it work?  If I stare at the crystals, will I burn my retina?  These and other vexing questions beg to be answered.  Hopefully, I will have the answers soon.  I pull up to the Appalachian School of Holistic Herbalism - A.S.Hol for short (just kidding).  The school is located in an old, two-story house.  Michele, garbed fully in white, meets me at the door.  She guides me to her office on the second floor.  The room is a repurposed single bedroom which now has two chairs, a side-table, and the main attraction - a raised massage table with seven colored lights hanging over it.  These “crystal lights” are suspended over the bed by a pole with seven extendable arms.  The walls are spartan with the exception of three framed 8 X 11 pictures:  one is a picture of John of God whom I recognize from Michele’s website; the second is some unnamed Saint (probably widely recognizable to most, but not to me); and, third is a pastel of a Buddha sitting cross-legged.

            I take a seat across from Michele.  We exchange a few pleasantries, and she asks how I heard about the John of God Crystal Bed and what I hope to gain from the treatment.  I truthfully say I came across her establishment on-line, and I have an interest in traditional Indian therapies.  I tell her about my recent Ayurvedic experience.  The tie between crystal therapy and traditional Hindu healing is awareness of chakras - energy points on the body.  She smiles approvingly. Michele then explains the Crystal Bed process.  She agrees with my decision to only receive thirty minutes of therapy since I am a first timer.  “You never know how it will impact you,” she says.  She wants to be sure I am safe to drive myself back to work at the end of the session.  This leads me to wonder what I am getting myself into.  Are the lights really going to make me feel different?  Perhaps they are lasers that will be molding my body.  What type of mind altering experience have I signed up for?  I notice my heart rate increasing.

            I decide to ask a few more questions.  “Who is John of God and what does the crystal bed have to do with him?”  Michele says that John of God is a spiritual healer who is famous for his paranormal healing ability.  He has healed millions by channeling different spiritual entities which use him as a vessel to perform both visible and invisible surgery.  Michele visited John of God in Brazil.  He identified her as someone with a gift for helping others.  The John of God Crystal Bed provides a long distance extension for his healing.  As a “trance medium” and distance healer, he is able to cure people from far away.  She encourages me to watch a video on her website which shows an interview with Wayne Dyer on Oprah.  Apparently, John of God successfully cured Mr. Dyer of leukemia, despite being a continent away.  Michele says she is not exactly sure how he does it, but she has given up trying to find an explanation. “The results speak for themselves,” she says.  She tells me about a woman she treated with crippling arthritis, who, after a single crystal bed session, regained use of her arthritic hands.  Others have reported sensing angels in the room while lying on the bed.  For others, she says the impact is less dramatic, but most report a positive impact although it may be delayed for several days.  It all sounds pretty impressive.  I am ready to begin.

            I lie fully clothed on the table.  Michele lines up the seven crystal lights with each of my chakra points.  She then covers my eyes with a towel and turns on some soothing background music.  She tells me to focus on one or two things I hope to achieve - these can by physical or mental.  I choose to focus on becoming a better father - maintaining calm when dealing with my oldest son’s quirks and compulsions, and being less overbearing with my middle son.  I will let David determine his own fate in hockey.  At times, I am too much of a “tiger dad” – pushing my son too hard to excel.  The second goal I center on is to heal my bothersome left shoulder.  I aggravated it while kayaking, and for the past several months, I have had to limit my athletic endeavors.  Michele gives me a few moments to identify these desires in my own mind.  She then has me take a few slow, deep breaths.  She dims the lights and steps out of the room. That is it.

            After lying still for several minutes and feeling relatively sure I am not being watched, curiosity gets the best of me.  I lift the towel off my eyes and give the John of God Crystal Bed a closer look.  The crystal lights appear to be little more than blinking plastic bulbs.  They remind me of Christmas lights.  I reach out and touch one - plastic, not warm, cheap. I do my inspection stealthily.  What if Michele is observing my movements from outside the room and bursts in to expose me as a spy?  I inspect the lights for a few more moments.  With my curiosity satiated, I pull the towel back over my eyes, lie back, and enjoy thirty minutes of peace. 

            Thirty minutes later, Michele returns.  She has me take a seat in one of the chairs, and she brings me a glass of water.  She asks if I am okay to drive.  “Yes,” I say.  After a few awkward moments and after reassuring Michele that I am have my wits about me, I write a check for thirty dollars and make an exit.

            What do I feel?  Nothing . . . absolutely nothing.  I certainly didn’t sense any angels in the room or commune with John of God.  Physically, I feel no different.  This point is driven home while reaching in the car to put in a CD and feeling the familiar twinge of pain in my shoulder.  Was it a waste?  It is too early to tell.  I will give it the next couple of days to see if I appreciate any changes.  I am not holding my breath while waiting for dramatic results. At the very least, a thirty minute siesta in the middle of a work day is always welcome and may be worth thirty dollars in its own right.  If my desire is to merely take a noontime nap every day, I might as well move to Mexico. 

Next week - Asheville’s Crystal Salt Cave