Wednesday, July 30, 2014

The MG-33 Experience (Pulsed Electromagnetic Field Therapy)


 
I am sitting in the clinic’s treatment room awaiting my first pulsed electromagnetic field therapy, PEMF for short.  I complete the standard new patient paperwork and wait for the doctor to return.   I nervously glance at the multiple electrical coils hanging on the wall.  I hope the doctor knows what she is doing.   I notice there is also a detoxifying foot bath on the floor.  I will be sure to avoid the footbath while plugged in.  Just as my nervousness nears a crescendo, the doctor returns - time to get down to business.   She previously instructed me to stay fully clothed.  Apparently, my clothes won’t have any impact on the MG-33, the PEMF device we will be using.  She selects a coil and proceeds to plug the end of it into the MG-33.  The doctor instructs me to pass the circular coil over my hand and slowly down my upper body until I reach my waist.  She turns a nob which causes the coil to emit a tapping sound similar to two marbles being knocked together.  She turns up the electrical current until I can feel the tapping.  As I move the coil down my body, I feel the tapping and with it, the underlying muscles seem to be contracting.  She says this part of the procedure is diagnostic rather than therapeutic.  Sites of cellular damage and injury will feel discomfort.  As I pass the coil down my body, I also get the sensation my internal organs are fluttering.  When I get to the level where the coil encircles my waist I feel discomfort in my right groin, a site where I think I have a small hernia.  She has me sit back in the chair with the coil around my waist.  My organ fluttering continues.  Not painful, yet not comfortable.   I am relieved that I urinated right before coming to my appointment.  Otherwise, I have the distinct feeling I would have wet myself.  After about ten minutes, she says it is time to focus on my knee.

                The doctor asks me to remove the large coil.  In its place, she attaches two smaller electrical coils which are held together by a Velcro strap and placed over my left knee.  She dials up the current until I again feel the tapping sensation.  She adjusts it until I can appreciate the tapping, but not to the point that it elicits pain.  She sets the timer for twenty minutes and steps out of the room.  I kick back in the chair and read the newspaper.  This sure is a lot less hassle than physical therapy.  Heck, if this does the trick, I may never stretch again.
               I finish the newspaper and begin to feel antsy.  Normally, I would be scrolling through the email on my iPhone, but the doctor explicitly told me to keep my credit cards and electronics at least five feet away from the magnetic coils.  My PEMF treatment will be much more costly if it forces me to buy a new phone.  As the twenty minutes is nearing its end, I am unable to contain myself any longer.  With the coils still firmly attached to my left leg, I hop across the room and grab my iPhone off the counter.  I keep the arm holding my iPhone outstretched while I hop back to the recliner.  My phone appears to still be working so I take a selfie and also a picture of the coils on my leg.  I hop the phone back to the safety of the far counter.  Shortly thereafter, the MG-33 clicks off.  I get up, remove the coils, and do a few deep knee bends.  Amazingly, my knee feels pretty good. 

                I walk out to the waiting room where the doctor is sitting. The bill comes to a mere twenty dollars:  one dollar for each minute of PEMF therapy on my knee.   What a bargain. This is cheaper than the titanium necklace and static magnets.  I just received one hour of professional consultation and treatment, and my bill is only twenty dollars.  There must be a catch.  I wait for the doctor to tell me about the need for repeated therapies of increased duration (and cost).  But no, when I ask about return visits, she says, “Only if you feel you need it.”  This woman obviously would have failed out of business school.  She says I can come back in a few weeks if my knee starts bothering me again, but she is hopeful the one treatment will be all I need.  I walk outside into the sunlight with a smile on my face.
              My knee feels pretty good.  When I get back to the hospital and climb four flights of stairs to my office, I notice a dull ache along my inner knee.  I assume all the benefits of the MG-33 have vanished, but surprisingly it is not the case.  My knee actually feels much better than normal over the ensuing two weeks despite doing the activities that usually aggravate my knee:  tennis with my son and hiking in the mountains.   I intended to return for a second treatment to do more “research” on the process, but my knee feels too good to justify a return.  PEMF seems to have done wonders for my knee.  Now I am curious about the other treatments offered by the doctor.  Perhaps the ionic detox footbath will help my headaches.

 
Next week . . . hypnosis.

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