The Miracle of Magnets

 

             I have been religiously wearing my magnets for the past month.  I even went so far as to wear my magnet headband at work.  After a couple of days, I felt compelled to stop wearing the headband during my interactions with patients.  Many of them were choosing to cancel their future appointments. Nevertheless, I have been able to wear the back brace at virtually all times, and I continue to wear the headband while in the privacy of my own office and while sleeping at night.  My wife is used to my antics, and barely bats an eye when I crawl into bed wearing both my magnetic back brace and headband.  Overall, I don’t mind wearing the magnets except for the heat the elastic bands create. At baseline, I am already prone to sweating.  If you put a thick back brace and elastic headband on me, I turn into a fountain of sweat.  I am frequently waking up at night drenched in a pool of perspiration.

           I attempted to continue my regular activities of biking, tennis, and kayaking while taking frequent note of how my back is feeling, whether I am more or less headachy, and if I am sleeping well.  I will be satisfied with the magnets if I see improvement in just one of these areas.  The one activity I put on hold is backwoods hiking.  I fear my compass will lead me astray due to the magnets’ impact on the compass needle. The weeks have flown by as I continue with my experiment.  Our electricity bill will likely be much higher this month, as I have continued to dial the thermostat lower and lower each evening in hopes of staving off the inevitable sweats generated by being ensconced in magnets. Also, I developed a beautiful fungal skin rash on my back and abdomen due to the persistently wet, warm environment created by the back brace. Alas, the one question you are all asking yourselves is do the magnets work?  Are my back pain and headaches gone?  Am I sleeping peacefully through the night?
         
          Unfortunately, the answer is no.  My back aches more than ever.  It now also itches due to the rash.  My headaches are little changed.  In truth, they may be a bit worse.  The constriction of the elastic headband seems to exacerbate my headaches.  Last, unsurprisingly, my insomnia has only worsened.  After four weeks of wearing these magnets, I am ready to cast them off.  Not only have my maladies persisted, but I am also ninety dollars poorer (the cost of the magnets).  Also, my wife thinks I am a leper due to my extensive rash.  Others may have found relief from “static magnets,” but not me.

 Next week . . . pulse electromagnetic therapy