Chiropractor- My back brings me back

         I have finished all my planned alternative adventures.  My book is finished and submitted to my agent.   One would guess that I will wipe my hands clean of this whole alternative medicine business and get back to my bread and butter- western medicine.  But no…I am a changed man.  This past Sunday while skiing with my family, I bent over awkwardly to help my 8 year old with his ski bindings and pop went my back.  During the drive home I could tell I was in trouble.  I suffered through work on Monday,  I called in sick on Tuesday, and by Wednesday I knew I needed help.  Where did I turn for help?  The chiropractor. 

                I manage to schedule a visit for Thursday after work.  The office is in a nice section of Asheville located on the second floor of a newer office building.  I am impressed with the office’s display of technology.  First, there is the electronic sign-in via a touch screen computer. Prompts help you illustrate where you have pain.  Everything appears modern- business must be doing well.  I meet my doctor, a short man with close cropped hair.  He s affable and about my age.  He quickly reviews my history and takes a couple of x-rays.  We review the films together and he notes that my left pelvis rides lower than my right- likely due to a shortened left leg.  I have been told this before- now I am beginning to believe. My spine has a normal curvature, but there is narrowing between my L4-L5 vertebra and in my left sacroiliac  joint.  He has me lie on the table and examines my back. It is pretty cool the way he feels around and then finds the point where the pain is most intense. With this knowledge in hand,  he then loosens up my back muscles with a vibrating machine and proceeds to adjustment my lower back.  It takes a few tries, but he eventually elicits a satisfying pop and exclaims that it worked.  I have been spared the high intensity cracking of my neck that I  dread.  I then am taken to a second room where I lie face up on an automated table  which has a roller which pushes up from the table and massages while also stretching the space between each vertebra.   It feels pretty good.

I walk out of the office feeling better, but not cured.  I wish I would have that eureka moment that others describe where a maneuver is performed and then as if by miracle all the pain is gone.  The next day at work I still have lower back pain, but perhaps not as bad.  Is it the adjustment or just another 24 hours of healing?

Craniosacral Therapy- The results

I have just completed a session of craniosacral therapy (CST). I have been told that as a result of the therapy my cerebrospinal fluid pulsations have returned to normal.

I get up slowly.  I am very relaxed.  I should be hurrying out of the office to pick up Thayer, my youngest son, and take him to his in-line hockey game.  Despite my normal Type A’ness, I am too calm to be rushed.  First, I must pay the bill.  The session costs $75 payable by credit card.   As I exit the office I again appreciate how blissfully calm I am. A pretty impressive short-term result: remember, I am a tiger dad.  I conclude I should have a pretty good next couple of days to weeks now that my CSF rhythms have been restored to normal.   I wonder why my CSF rhythm was so irregular to begin with.  I give my dad a call. Perhaps he can tell me about the conditions of my undoubtedly traumatic birth which must have led to my abnormal CSF pulsations.  Ideally my mom, the true eyewitness, would have related my birth experience to me, but she passed away four years ago, so my dad will have to do.  He is a retired obstetrician and should be fairly reliable.  Contrary to my assumption that my birth was a difficult one, he says it was fast and easy: no nuchal cord around my neck, no need to use forceps to extract me from the birth canal, no extended labor.   I guess it must be those lifelong hardships which have thrown me out of whack - exactly what those hardships are I am not sure.

A week after the CST session, I assess my general condition.  I have a bit of a headache, and my lower back discomfort is unchanged.  Reestablishing my CSF rhythm seems to have had no measurable impact.  Perhaps I need to go back for another session.  Maybe the plumbing of my cerebral system is out of whack again.  I did watch the Republican debates this week, a traumatic experience or perhaps more of a comedic one.  Could that have set me askew once again?  No, I think I am done for the time being. 

As I research the published scientific literature about CST, I come upon several articles regarding the use of CST for Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD).  This is a topic which hits home for me.  My oldest son has Asperger’s syndrome, more recently renamed as high functioning autism.  Due to my obvious skepticism of CST, I am surprised to see the Autism Research Institute, a reputable group, included CST in their list of therapies to treat autism in 2011.[1]  CST is also included in a book on Cutting-edge Therapies for Autism published in 2010.[2]  Wanveer, a certified instructor for The Upledger Institute, was asked by Dr. John Upledger (yes, the very same founding father of modern CST), to address the benefits of CST for Autism.  Wanveer hypothesized that persons with autism have increased pro-inflammatory cytokines, neuroglial activation, and inflammatory changes in their cerebral spinal fluid.  The inflamed spinal fluid leads to loss of flexibility and likely inflammation of the membrane layers surrounding the brain. These can result in hampering of the brain function.  He claims that CST is able to “decrease the abnormal and often enormous strain the brain has been under” and thereby help the ASD person “come to newfound levels of tolerance, understanding, and response within themselves and with the world around them.” [3] 

Once again, I am skeptical.  Should my autistic son really receive CST?  Connor is a brilliant child.  He will want to see proof that CST really works before he gives it a try.  I log onto the Autism Research Institute site to confirm they still recommend CST for the treatment of Autism in 2015.[4]  What do I find?  Nothing.  All references to CST have been wiped clean from the site.  Apparently, they have had a change of heart.  I too am ready to move on.

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[1] Zane T. A Review of Craniosacral Therapy- Science, Fads, and Applied Behavior Analysis. The Current Repertoire, Fall 2011, Newsletter of the Cambridge Center for Behavioral Studies.

[2] Siri K, Lyons T. Cutting-edge therapies for autism: 2010-2011. New York, NY: Skyhorse Publishing, 2010.

[3] Wanveer T. Autism spectrum disorder: How craniosacral therapy can help. Massage Today. 2007; 7(7), 1-4.

[4] http://www.autism.com/ accessed 12/22/2015.

Cranial Sacral Therapy- The visit

My appointment finally comes around.   The office is located on a trendy street in North Asheville not far from the Grove Park Inn, a famous resort.  The massage therapist’s office is in an older single story cottage.  I am met at the door by the therapist, a middle aged woman with a warm smile.  After exchanging pleasantries, she escorts me into the outer vestibule.  Here, I take a seat and fill out the requisite forms - who am I, what is my profession, next of kin, how did I hear of them, and what am I here for today.  Throughout my exploration of alternative medicine, I often waffle on how to answer this second question - what is my profession?  I don’t like to lie, but I also don’t want to be too truthful.  Perhaps if they know I am a medical doctor, they treat me differently and cheat me out of some of the alternative experience.  I signify that I am a “writer” hoping this will not lead to a host of difficult questions:  “what have you authored?”  “Have I read any of your works?”  Fortunately, when reading the form, she says “a writer, hmm . . . you must be hunched over a computer quite a lot,” to which I say, “yes.”  And then, she moves on to other things.  My alias is not blown.  I tell her about my headaches and back pain, and she smiles and tells me that CST should be just the thing to help me feel better.

Next, the therapist leads me into an octagonal room with a massage table in the center.  It smells of incense (the calling card of alternative practitioners).  The room has carpeted floors and dark wood walls.  There is a lava lamp - yes, they still do exist - sitting on a side table.  There is a framed illustration of a man and a woman with their muscles and skeleton exposed.  Also included on the diagram are labeled acupoints and lines of meridian - another commonality that spans several alternative disciplines including massage, crystal therapy, and acupuncture.   Soothing music plays in the background; it sounds like a didgeridoo from Australia.  I succumb to the moment.  Let the healing begin.

I remain fully dressed and lie face up on the massage table.  The therapist’s hands meticulously feel along my scalp, apparently palpating the suture lines between my cranial bones.  I wonder if she can feel subtle movements of my cranial bones or perhaps even deeper movements in my brain.  She then places her hands at the base of my skull in the back of my neck where I imagine she is feeling for cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) pulsations.  She jams her thumbs into this area at the base of my skull while encouraging me to relax my head back.  It is not the most relaxing position, but I try to channel my inner Buddha.  After a few minutes, she moves to the foot of the table and pulls gently on my feet and applies pressure with her hands over my knees, thighs, pelvis, chest, and shoulders.  She then returns to the base of my skull for a while.  During the course of the visit, she spends time pressing gently along my skull, ears and face.  Fortunately, she does not enter my nose - I have had enough of the inner nose manipulation by my Rolfer.  Periodically, she reassesses the rhythm of my CSF by probing the base of my skull.  I close my eyes throughout most of the session.  The combination of her warm hands on my scalp, the background music, and the dim light put me in a near comatose state.  It would be even better if she were massaging my scalp, but just having someone manipulate and probe your scalp is pretty soothing in its own right.  I lose track of time. I am surprised when she turns up the light and announces that the session is complete.  Where did the hour go?  I tell her how relaxing the session was, and that I normally have a hard time letting go – in line with my Type A personality.  My admission of being Type A surprises her, probably because I am wearing my most hippie appearing clothes, I am unshaven, and I claim to be an author.  She comments that when she first was feeling my CSF pulsations, they were very frenetic and irregular, but now at the end of the session, they are nice and rhythmic.

Next Post: Do my rhythmic CSF pulsations translate into results?

Craniosacral Therapy- Molding the Mind

           It was my wife’s reaction to reading about craniosacral therapy in Andrew Weil’s book that spurred me to begin my exploration of alternative medicine.  Beth had read to me the account of a craniosacral practitioner feeling the movement of the skull bones to diagnoses and treat problems. I was in disbelief, “the movements of the skull bones?!”   Beth on the other hand thought the explanation was reasonable.  Despite my skepticism, who was I to contradict the author’s testimony.  Even though I was a physician I had never tried craniosacral therapy myself, nor did I have any proof that it didn’t work.  It just sounded kooky.  This led me to thinking about alternative medicine as a whole.  My western training told me it was all kooky, but I realized my opinion was based on biases formed in my training in traditional western medicine.  Rather than disparage alternative medicine while being uninformed I was going give it a try and develop my own educated opinion.  So it here I am five years into my alternative education and finally I will be giving craniosacral therapy a try.  I am certainly much more open minded, but I still have a hard time imaging my free floating skull bones.

I had assumed finding a craniosacral therapist would be difficult, but once again Asheville’s deep well of alternative medicine practitioners comes through.  In fact, the craniosacral therapy business appears to be booming- I have multiple options to choose from.   Craniosacral therapy is performed by massage therapists, practitioners of holistic healing, chiropractors, and others; although the massage therapists seem to be the most numerous.  I choose a husband –wife combination who are both licensed massage therapists.  In addition to craniosacral therapy they offer reflexology and more traditional forms of massage.  The craniosacral system is defined as consisting of the protective membranes surrounding the brain, the lining of the cranium, and the covering of the spinal column and the cerebrospinal fluid which ebbs and flows at a rate of 8-12 seconds per cycle. It represents the body’s hydraulic system as well as supporting the entire nervous system. Events ranging from a traumatic birth to other physical and emotional traumas occurring later in life can upset these rhythms.  

Craniosacral therapy follows a gentle, light-pressure protocol, to enhance the body’s natural ability to heal, improve brain and spinal cord function, and restore immune system response.  According to the website some of the maladies which craniosacral therapy claims to heal are: migraine headaches, TMJ (Temporomandibular Joint pain), chronic neck and shoulder pain, fibromyalgia, emotional difficulties, learning disabilities, and joint and muscle pain.  This seems perfect for me; despite my recent rolfing experience I still have lower back pain, and I am prone to frequent headaches. 

My alternative medicine bible reiterates the claimed benefits of craniosacral therapy touted by the website.  In fact, it expands the range of problems that can be addressed to include respiratory conditions, digestive disorders, and even Downs syndrome.  A cranial therapist is trained to feel the motion of the craniosacral system and locate critical points of restriction which can then be manipulated to re-establish a normal rhythm.  There are three primary approaches to CST: the sutural approach, the meningeal approach, and the reflex approach.  The pioneers of craniosacral therapy were Dr. William Sutherland in the early 20^th century and later Dr. John Upledger in the 1970’s, both osteopathic physicians.  Sutherland popularized the sutural approach in which he manipulated the sutures (where the cranial bones meet) to increase the mobility of the cranial bones. An interesting description, but one of which I am instantly skeptical. I was taught early in my medical training to palpate the cranium of infants for their fontanelles or “soft spots” during the first year of life as a possible indication of their volume status (level of hydration).  There are two main soft spots, one at the front of the skull and one near the back.  When an infant is dehydrate or sick the fontanelles may be sunken in.  These spots represent the areas where the cranial sutures have yet to fuse.  Early on the cranial bones remain unfused to allow the brain room to grow.  By 12-18 months of age the cranial bones have fused- the lines of fusion are suture lines.  Once the cranial bones have fused I would doubt much movement could be appreciated.  When I remember back to my first year of medical school and dissecting a cadaver I remember palpating these very same suture lines and the appearance of the skull as a single fused structure.    Dr. Upledger built upon Sutherland’s approach and pioneered   the meningeal approach was which he claimed was very successful for treating chronic, severe headaches.  His approach, which happens to be the approach followed by the massage therapist I will be seeing, works on releasing the restrictions of the cranial tissues and underlying membranes while monitoring the rhythmic movement of the craniosacral system via changes in cerebrospinal fluid pressure. He reported an 85% success rate in curing headaches.  My headaches are feeling better already.  I book a visit for the following week.

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Crystal Therapy - Do it yourself

            To date, my exploration of crystal healing has been eye-opening, if not curative.  I started with the John of God Crystal Bed, and then last week, I made an excursion into Asheville’s Salt Cave.  With the aid of these experiences, I am finally shrugging off the lingering effects of the flu.  Hopefully, by relying on crystal magic once again, I can fight off the last remnants of this illness and tackle a few of my recurring complaints.  I will now rely on some “cookbook medicine.”  Cookbook medicine is quite popular with many forms of alternative medicine.  Cookbook medicine means you treat yourself by looking up your ailment in a book, and without need of a doctor’s prescription, you buy or make your own remedy.  This form of home brewing is popular in homeopathy, herbal medicine, aromatherapy, Appalachian medicine, and crystal therapy.  My hope is to find a crystal that will cure my insomnia, tension headaches, and general laziness.  The laziness to which I refer is my inclination to waste time surfing the internet or checking my email for the hundredth time when I should be working on this blog or doing some other task that is at least somewhat productive.

            Before finding my remedy, I will attempt to explain how crystals work and define their role in curing various maladies.  According to “reputable sources” (such as cyrstalwellbeing.co.uk), each “crystal has a unique internal structure which causes it to resonate at a certain frequency.  It is this resonance that is said to give crystals their healing abilities.”  The crystals help channel positive energy into the body which promotes health and may cure disease.  This gets a bit confusing if you consider I learned in the Salt Cave that positive ions emitted by electronics can cause imbalance and illness, which may in turn be reversed by the negative ions given off by crystals.  The philosophy of crystal healing derives from Asian concepts such as life-energy (chi) and chakras.  Remember the lines of chi which are stimulated during acupuncture?  The chakras, otherwise referred to as vortices of energy, are said to connect the physical with the supernatural elements of the body.  For each of the seven chakras on one’s body, there is a corresponding color or crystal which can exert influence.  (Now I understand the rationale behind the seven crystal lights that were aligned over my chakras during my John of God Crystal Bed Therapy).  Techniques may vary, but generally, one treats various ailments by picking the correct crystal for its corresponding chakra.  Each chakra corresponds to an anatomical position on the body and not only exerts influence on particular organs or glands, but has further spiritual connections.  The crystal is then laid over the chakra, dangled over the chakra, rubbed on the chakra, or just held near the chakra.  Now that the “science” is all crystal clear, I am ready to heal myself.

            I turn to the master cookbook - the internet.  I find the crown chakra (located just above one’s head) and the brow chakra (located on the forehead) have influence over sleep patterns and headaches.  The amethyst stone is the stone of choice for me.  Apparently, the amethyst is a pretty powerful stone.  It is commonly used as a “dream stone” to help with insomnia, and it can relieve headaches by being rubbed across one’s forehead.  Better yet, it is said to promote mental clarity:  when the amethyst is placed on the crown chakra, it encourages positive thought patterns and exerts control over the pineal gland.  In medical school, we learn the pineal gland secretes melatonin which affects our sleep-wake cycles.  The brow chakra exerts influence over the pituitary gland - the gland which is a principle regulator of our endocrine system.  Amethyst crystals are noted to have several other properties:  they improve memory, protect from danger, and are thought to bring success in business.  This stone sure has some powerful mojo.  After completing my amethyst education, I tell my wife I need to take a trip to the crystal shop (we have several in Asheville) so that I can buy myself a stone.  Always a step ahead of me, she gives a knowing smile and asks if I might be able to hold off until after Christmas.  When I say no, she goes to our bedroom and returns holding a small package. “Since you can’t wait,” she says.  I rip open the package and lo and behold, sitting inside the box are two amethysts - a small one to carry in my pocket and a larger cluster of crystal for my bedside.  How did she know I was planning on buying these?  I am not sure . . . woman’s intuition, or crystal magic?

            Over the following week, I dutifully carry the smaller amethyst in my pocket throughout the day; at night, before going to sleep, I place the larger crystal over both my crown and brow chakras.  Just before drifting off to sleep, I slip the large crystal under my pillow. As I close my eyes I imagine healing ions flowing through my body as I am transmuted to a higher plan.  Has it worked?  Despite some remaining head congestion, I have been sleeping well and headache free all week.  I am not sure if I have achieved full mental clarity, but I did find the motivation to write this blog during a couple of my lunch breaks.  Perhaps more significantly, I made a rare good financial decision (I suggest this qualifies as “business success”) - I rebalanced my retirement portfolio to an increased weight in stocks just before the stock market rallied.  This is a sharp contrast with my normal philosophy of buy high, sell low. I am not sure Janet Yellen’s recent economic statements can be attributed to the amethyst, but who knows.

            Perhaps the crystals work after all.  I did manage to not get as sick as my wife during our recent flu bout, and I have recovered faster.  One might look at her as the control in my study of crystals - we both got sick around the same time, but only I experienced the Salt Cave and slept with an amethyst under my pillow.  If this is not definitive proof, I don’t know what is.  At the very least, therapy with crystals has little downside - they are easy to use and they have few side-effects . . . except for a lumpy pillow.

Next week . . . the blog will be closed for the Holidays.

In two weeks . . . join me as I explore the Asheville vortex.

Asheville’s Salt Cave

              Despite my “John of God Crystal Bed” session last week, I have been struck down by the flu.  The whole family is ill with the exception of my thirteen year old son who wants little to do with the rest of us.  For once, his isolationism paid off.  We don’t deserve this.  We are good people.  We have been vaccinated.  Apparently, the flu doesn’t care. The predominant influenza strain circulating this year mutated just enough to make this year’s flu vaccine less effective.  Despite diligently making sure everyone in the family was vaccinated, we have still been stricken by a modern day plague.  I rarely miss work, but the flu has a way of changing one’s tune.  For the past three days, I have suffered from muscle aches, headaches, chills, fever, and head congestion.  To make matters worse, I haven’t been able to hole up alone in my misery.  Instead, the entire house reverberates with the sounds of coughing, sneezing and whining.  This is an ideal time to escape to Asheville’s Salt Cave.

            Perhaps you are unaware that Asheville is a salt mining mecca . . . it is not.  Always on the leading edge of the alternative movement, Asheville has one of a handful of artificially created salt caves that exist in North America.  The owners have imported over twenty tons of Polish salt crystals to make their own cave.  Why might one go to such lengths?  Apparently, they take their cue from the Europeans who have been basking in the benefits of “salt cave therapy” for decades.  The Asheville Salt Cave claims to be an “alternative treatment” for a litany of conditions including “acne, arthritis, asthma, bronchitis, migraines, viral infections, and weakened immune systems.”  I suffer from more than one of these maladies, and my immune system is certainly in a weakened state at the moment.  A little spelunking in a salt cave is in order.

            The Asheville Salt Cave is not dug into a remote mountain, but is smack dab in the middle of Asheville’s bustling “business district.”  Rather than being overrun with big corporations, Asheville’s downtown is an eclectic mix of restaurants, breweries, trinket shops, art galleries, and counter-culture establishments.  The Salt Cave fits right in.  The anteroom to the Salt Cave has a nice spa-vibe.  There are Himalayan salt crystals of all sizes for sale, ranging from a few inches in diameter to the size of a football.  After signing in, I am led to a long bench which sits outside the closed entrance to the cave.  I am encouraged to remove my shoes and to fix myself a cup of tea while waiting for my session to begin.  The establishment is nice and cozy - a sharp contrast to the cold, drizzly weather outside.  After a pleasant fifteen minutes of sipping herbal tea, the cave door opens and the attendant, a young woman in her twenties, invites us to come inside.  I say us because I have been joined by a middle-aged Asheville woman of German descent.

            As I enter the cave, I am struck by its appearance:  it resembles the lower hold of an old two- masted ship.  The entire “cave” is about 15 feet wide and 40 feet long.  The walls are adorned with very large salt rocks which resemble stone masonry.  The floor is covered with salt rock crystals of varying sizes on top of a virtual beach of sea salt.  The ceiling has large wooden cross ties holding up netting full of golf ball size salt crystals.  In each corner is a fountain which aerosolizes the salt.  Lights are set within some of the crystals on the wall and a few of the larger crystals on the ground.  There are mats with pillows and blankets for lying on the sea salt covered floor and anti-gravity lounge chairs for reclining.  It is just like a day at the beach except in a cave.  The whole set-up reminds me of a Star Trek episode.  I am in a cave on the planet Nubon, and the glowing salt crystals are alien eggs about to hatch.

            The young attendant captures my attention and brings an end to my intergalactic musings.  She instructs us to find a comfortable place to relax - I choose to lie on a floor mat.  She tells us that the salt crystals, when heated to greater than 64 degrees (the room is about 70 degrees), release 84 trace elements and minerals necessary for our bodies.  Breathing in these elements helps the body find balance and to heal itself.  We are also told the salt crystals neutralize the malicious positive ions which we are bombarded with throughout the day.  Positive ions are emitted by the electronics which are integral to life - cell phones, microwaves, computers, and televisions.  In contrast, the Salt Cave releases negative ions to restore our balance.  Negative ions reportedly have a wide range of beneficial effects from improved mood to better breathing.  “Forty-five minutes in the Salt Cave is equal to four days at the beach.”  As I lay back and grab a baseball size salt crystal in my hand, I contemplate that the healing must already have begun.

            Prior to leaving us to our own devices, our host leads us through some deep breathing and relaxation exercises.  After she steps out, I begin to relax in earnest.  We are in a dimly lit salt cave with gurgling fountains and soothing background music.  This is a far cry from the hell my wife is currently experiencing at home.  (I did invite my wife, but she claimed someone needed to watch over our feverish children - what a martyr).  The next forty-five minutes pass quickly as I fade into my surroundings.  As our time comes to an end, the lights brighten, and the cave door opens.  I sip some more tea, pull on my shoes, and pay a mere fifteen dollars - it is discount day for locals.  Refreshed, I pull on my rain jacket and reenter the real world.

            I am feeling better already.  I return to work the following day.  My fever has abated, and my congestion is less.  Is the salt cave the reason?  Perhaps . . . or it could be the Tamiflu I started two days earlier.

Next week . . . Self Help with Crystals.

The John of God Crystal Bed

            Let the healing begin.  I escape from work for an extended “lunch hour” to go on a “crystal journey with Michele.”  I have a lot of unanswered questions about crystal healing and in particular, the John of God Crystal Bed.  Who is this John of God?  How does one become “of God?”  Even Pope Francis isn’t referred to as “Pope Francis of God.”  This John guy must have some powerful juju.  What about this crystal bed?  How does it work?  If I stare at the crystals, will I burn my retina?  These and other vexing questions beg to be answered.  Hopefully, I will have the answers soon.  I pull up to the Appalachian School of Holistic Herbalism - A.S.Hol for short (just kidding).  The school is located in an old, two-story house.  Michele, garbed fully in white, meets me at the door.  She guides me to her office on the second floor.  The room is a repurposed single bedroom which now has two chairs, a side-table, and the main attraction - a raised massage table with seven colored lights hanging over it.  These “crystal lights” are suspended over the bed by a pole with seven extendable arms.  The walls are spartan with the exception of three framed 8 X 11 pictures:  one is a picture of John of God whom I recognize from Michele’s website; the second is some unnamed Saint (probably widely recognizable to most, but not to me); and, third is a pastel of a Buddha sitting cross-legged.

            I take a seat across from Michele.  We exchange a few pleasantries, and she asks how I heard about the John of God Crystal Bed and what I hope to gain from the treatment.  I truthfully say I came across her establishment on-line, and I have an interest in traditional Indian therapies.  I tell her about my recent Ayurvedic experience.  The tie between crystal therapy and traditional Hindu healing is awareness of chakras - energy points on the body.  She smiles approvingly. Michele then explains the Crystal Bed process.  She agrees with my decision to only receive thirty minutes of therapy since I am a first timer.  “You never know how it will impact you,” she says.  She wants to be sure I am safe to drive myself back to work at the end of the session.  This leads me to wonder what I am getting myself into.  Are the lights really going to make me feel different?  Perhaps they are lasers that will be molding my body.  What type of mind altering experience have I signed up for?  I notice my heart rate increasing.

            I decide to ask a few more questions.  “Who is John of God and what does the crystal bed have to do with him?”  Michele says that John of God is a spiritual healer who is famous for his paranormal healing ability.  He has healed millions by channeling different spiritual entities which use him as a vessel to perform both visible and invisible surgery.  Michele visited John of God in Brazil.  He identified her as someone with a gift for helping others.  The John of God Crystal Bed provides a long distance extension for his healing.  As a “trance medium” and distance healer, he is able to cure people from far away.  She encourages me to watch a video on her website which shows an interview with Wayne Dyer on Oprah.  Apparently, John of God successfully cured Mr. Dyer of leukemia, despite being a continent away.  Michele says she is not exactly sure how he does it, but she has given up trying to find an explanation. “The results speak for themselves,” she says.  She tells me about a woman she treated with crippling arthritis, who, after a single crystal bed session, regained use of her arthritic hands.  Others have reported sensing angels in the room while lying on the bed.  For others, she says the impact is less dramatic, but most report a positive impact although it may be delayed for several days.  It all sounds pretty impressive.  I am ready to begin.

            I lie fully clothed on the table.  Michele lines up the seven crystal lights with each of my chakra points.  She then covers my eyes with a towel and turns on some soothing background music.  She tells me to focus on one or two things I hope to achieve - these can by physical or mental.  I choose to focus on becoming a better father - maintaining calm when dealing with my oldest son’s quirks and compulsions, and being less overbearing with my middle son.  I will let David determine his own fate in hockey.  At times, I am too much of a “tiger dad” – pushing my son too hard to excel.  The second goal I center on is to heal my bothersome left shoulder.  I aggravated it while kayaking, and for the past several months, I have had to limit my athletic endeavors.  Michele gives me a few moments to identify these desires in my own mind.  She then has me take a few slow, deep breaths.  She dims the lights and steps out of the room. That is it.

            After lying still for several minutes and feeling relatively sure I am not being watched, curiosity gets the best of me.  I lift the towel off my eyes and give the John of God Crystal Bed a closer look.  The crystal lights appear to be little more than blinking plastic bulbs.  They remind me of Christmas lights.  I reach out and touch one - plastic, not warm, cheap. I do my inspection stealthily.  What if Michele is observing my movements from outside the room and bursts in to expose me as a spy?  I inspect the lights for a few more moments.  With my curiosity satiated, I pull the towel back over my eyes, lie back, and enjoy thirty minutes of peace. 

            Thirty minutes later, Michele returns.  She has me take a seat in one of the chairs, and she brings me a glass of water.  She asks if I am okay to drive.  “Yes,” I say.  After a few awkward moments and after reassuring Michele that I am have my wits about me, I write a check for thirty dollars and make an exit.

            What do I feel?  Nothing . . . absolutely nothing.  I certainly didn’t sense any angels in the room or commune with John of God.  Physically, I feel no different.  This point is driven home while reaching in the car to put in a CD and feeling the familiar twinge of pain in my shoulder.  Was it a waste?  It is too early to tell.  I will give it the next couple of days to see if I appreciate any changes.  I am not holding my breath while waiting for dramatic results. At the very least, a thirty minute siesta in the middle of a work day is always welcome and may be worth thirty dollars in its own right.  If my desire is to merely take a noontime nap every day, I might as well move to Mexico. 

Next week - Asheville’s Crystal Salt Cave